i don’t even know anymore

So there’s a boy. Or there was a boy. I don’t even know anymore.

We haven’t talked in 7 weeks, except for about an hour online a week and a half ago. No phone calls, no text messages, no IMs, no emails, nothing. I’m pretty sure that I should just give up and call it a loss at this point, delete him from my cell phone and buddy list and forget all about him, but I’m hurt and want answers. I’m just not sure how to go about getting them. The last 2 times I emailed him (before the 7 weeks started) it was because I hadn’t talked to him in at least a week. Within a day after I sent the emails he would reply and say that he’d been busy and blah blah blah and he’d magically appear on messenger after a week of us not being on at the same time and after a bit of chatting he’d say “brb” and never come back. And I wouldn’t hear from him until I sent him another email. So now I don’t want to email him because I’ll assume his response will be because I contacted him and not because he was planning on doing it anyway.

Before I started typing this out I reread the ending of our last chat convo (I have it set that they save automatically) and I had asked him if he was glad his weekend from work was coming up and he said he guessed so, but that he wasn’t doing anything. So I said that he should do something with his weekends and he said he’d like to but it’s hard because he doesn’t have much time. Ok, not doing anything and not having time doesn’t add up. 3 minutes after saying that he said “brb” and disappeared. Plus I feel that if he really wanted to meet me (the way he’s said he’s wanted to) he’d make the damn time. I know that he’s been online in the past 7 weeks because we’re both signed up for a website that lists when you were last logged in. He could call, he could text, he could IM, and he could email me. He’s got a billion ways to contact me and he hasn’t done any. So I’m just confused and hurt and pissed off and about a million other things. 😦

When we first started chatting online, it was every day for at least a few hours at a time. That was around the beginning of April. Now it’s at nothing. When we first started chatting, we were getting along so well I was already starting to fall for him and we hadn’t even met yet. And the way my life goes, I figured I’d end up hurt in the end, but for different reasons (that I won’t go into) then what is currently happening.

This is why I don’t put myself out there. Why I’m 29 and single. Because every time I meet/chat with a guy that I think I could have something with, it goes wrong and I back off of the dating scene (not that I’ve ever actually been in the scene) to keep myself from getting hurt.

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About Julie

37, single. loves baking, cooking, scrapbooking, photography, jewelry making, learning new crafts, listening to music and sleeping in.
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One Response to i don’t even know anymore

  1. deepshades says:

    You can’t let it get to you. Yes rejection sucks big time, but it doesn’t mean you should stop letting yourself out there. It sounds like he just isn’t in to you at this time. Maybe stuff is going on in his life, or he just realized it wasn’t going to work. That is okay. We women do the same. Chat with a guy get to know them, and then realize um. . no you are not the guy for me. I did yahoo personals and talked with a guy, even went on a date with him. Soon realized that he wasn’t the one for me. He also did the not talk to me thing anymore so I figured it just wasn’t meant to be. I then cancelled the service and the next day my now husband contacted me on the service wanting to get to know me. I decided to give it another shot and things worked out. Granted the other guy ironically a few weeks into my dating my husband got interested in me again. I guess he got lonely enough and was hoping to at least get some booty. Guys are weird, but so are we and ya just got to go with it and try it out. I am so rambling forever now. Sorry.

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